


And See How I Regarded Caius Cassius

by planet_plantagenet



Category: Julius Caesar - Shakespeare
Genre: Anxiety, Before Battle, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Conversations, M/M, except in aus, i feel like there is no happy ending for titinius x cassius, maybe next time i'll write an actually happy au fic, then my friends will be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11353548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planet_plantagenet/pseuds/planet_plantagenet
Summary: A couple nights before the battle of Philippi, Cassius and Titinius finally have some time to talk.My friends: write something fluffy to Atone For Your SinsMe: ok yes fluff *halfway through fic* wait this is less fluff and more Sad





	And See How I Regarded Caius Cassius

The night was now so dark that I could barely see Cassius’ face. He was turned away from the brightly burning torch, staring out into the trees below the hill on which we were sitting. How lucky that the two of us had been assigned to watch duty on the same night—I barely would’ve had a chance to talk to Cassius otherwise. He was always so preoccupied.

But for now, there was just me and Cassius—far from the tents of the other sleeping Romans.

“How far away are we from Philippi?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“About two days’ journey.” Cassius didn’t look at me; his eyes were still trained on the tents in the forest below us.

“That’s not far.”

It was a second before he responded. “Titinius, you know I’ve always regarded you as one of my best friends.”

My heartbeat quickened. “You have?”

“Yeah. We’ve known each other for so long.”

Pause. It was true. At one time, the two of us had been inseparable. The best friends in all of Rome.

It was almost inevitable that I’d fall so deeply in love with him.

Cassius finally looked at me. “I know that I’ve been spending a lot of time with Brutus—”

“I understand; you have other friends—”

“—But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you, too,” he finished. A sigh. “I’m sorry, Titinius.”

“For what?”

“For ignoring you for so long.”

The sentiment was reassuring. I didn’t feel like admitting to Cassius how worried I’d actually been. Philippi was approaching fast, and—

“We might never talk to each other again.” Cassius’ words echoed my exact thoughts.

I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want to imagine a day where I would wake up and Caius Cassius would not. Given how much he talked about death, the possibility was very real and very scary.

Cassius seemed to sense my discomfort, and put a hand on my shoulder, running it up and down my back in a soothing fashion. I shivered, pressing closer to him. In response, he wrapped both of his arms around me, and rested his head on mine.

“You’re very warm,” I whispered, unsure of what else to say. Cassius wasn’t usually one for extended physical contact.

He laughed, a vibration I could feel in my own chest. “Hopefully I’m still like that after Philippi.”

I almost jerked away, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Cassius’ embrace. “Please don’t joke about that… it makes me uncomfortable.”

“I always joke about death, though?” Feeling the tension in my body, he lifted his head slightly.

“It just seems so… real, now.”

“Oh, Titinius….” Cassius’ arms tightened around me. “We’re safe right now. Nothing can harm us.”

“But what about later—?”

“Forget later. Right now there’s nothing else in the world.”

The statement was surprisingly calm for the perpetually anxious Cassius. Sure enough, I could feel his heart beating faster than normal. He didn’t really believe what he was saying. He was just trying to comfort me. I closed my eyes, willing his words to be true.

Cassius shifted his position, and when I cracked open my eyes again, his face was much closer than before, green eyes gazing steadily into mine. His arms still wound around my back, fingers running through my hair.

“If this really is the last time we’ll get to speak with each other properly,” Cassius breathed, “can I kiss you?”

The request wasn’t unexpected, given the intimacy of our relationship and our sheer physical proximity, but it still sent a rush of adrenaline through my body.

“Please do,” I replied.

So he leaned forward and kissed me, pressing his lips against mine with all the passion of someone who knew he would never get to do this again. And I responded with all the passion of someone who had kept his feelings for his best friend hidden for years, and was only now allowing them to come out.

I kept my eyes closed when Cassius broke away, burying his face in my shoulder, because I knew tears would spill out if I opened them.

“I love you, Cassius.” It went without saying, but I still felt the need to tell him.

He responded by squeezing me tighter. I could feel him shaking, taking deep, ragged breaths. Here was the Cassius who wasn’t feigning confidence and calm—who was truly scared about what would happen when we got to Philippi.

Cassius suddenly lifted his head off my shoulder, looking me in the face again. His eyes were red. “Titinius. If I die in the battle—if one of Antony’s soldiers manages to kill me—promise you won’t kill yourself, okay?”

I tried to pretend that hadn’t been a persistent thought in the back of my mind. So I nodded.

It was only after the conversation had slowed to a halt, and the two of us had gone back to sitting, with our fingers intertwined and our heads resting against each other, that I realized I had forgotten to make Cassius promise the same thing.


End file.
